Life

Saturday, 7 August 2010
18:42

It's been so long since the last time that I actually stayed home the whole day and did nothing. So long it felt like years. I kind of miss this feeling because it screams of relaxation.

For a long time too, since the previous break I've asked myself why the heck I am in this school. I feel like, a part of me has been chipped away since I entered school. Like, I'm not completely whole, and the rent in my soul has been widening and deepening. It almost feels as if I'm empty and very afraid.

I've been missing out a lot due to school and my various commitments. Like, it's as if I've been isolated from this world. But then again, I've tried again and again to dissociate myself from this place. Frankly, I've seen much more in my frivolous attempts to escape than my previous experiences being thrown in the middle of society to learn to survive.

So I guess I shouldn't be lamenting.

This aside, don't you have this empty feeling in your soul too, especially when your life is juxtaposed against somebody from another place ? The grass is always greener on the other side holds true, but my guess is also that: Because of this hollow feeling within us, the green of the grass is enhanced exponentially.

High school is an impersonal place. Not everyone goes there to make friends. Most people just come here to achieve whatever they can, so that they can move on and away from their peers. It's almost impossible to find true friends in this place anymore. Almost- but I've found a few and am very grateful for that.

Filling up the gap with the other half ? No, not yet. There are a few considerable ones- if you even know who I'm talking about. Every time I think about it this mixed feeling of elation and helplessness comes to mind and I don't know whether to laugh or to cry. Nope, probably not the ones I'm looking for

but it's too early to jump to conclusions, eh ?

I've been having these weird thoughts lately;
like,
Is any of this for real, or not?